Jarhead: Trailer vs. Teaser

Maybe its was a natural thing. Maybe it will be one of those situations where we try to make sense of it and say: "Its nobody's fault really, these things just happen. A snip there, a tuck here, Mr Mcferrin said he didnt want his music associated with war. Tom had brough in his copy of Electric Warrior and so we just threw on some T. Rex...I think it works...right? I mean, it's nobody's fault really..."

They took a trailer and made it bad. The original trailer is now called the teaser. Don't believe the hype. A "teaser" is a black screen accompanied by the theme from Termintaor 2 (Duhn Duhn Duhn DUHN DUHN!) as it slowly pulls back to reveal a giant steel "T3". It "teases" you with what you think the film might be.

The "teaser" for Jarhead is one of the most finely crafted movie advertisements I have seen in a very long time. The narration is pitch perfect, Messrs Fox and Cooper are perfectly summed up in one or two lines each, and the imagery chosen is powerful and surprising. I am watching it for the first time in a while and i would just like to offer a list of perfect images from the trailer:

- Gyllenhaal looking up as he leads the line of grunts fresh of the bus.
- G sitting surrounded by soldiers clutching his M16 as Foxx explains the situation
- G Looking back and laughing as he leaves the plane
- Soldier asleep in the foxhole
- Sniper G cracking his gum
- Numerous shots of soldiers and flaming oil wells
- Foxx and Jake face to face as he splashes water on a picnic table (in perfect time i might add)
- Honestly, final montage of imagery is perfect.

It doesnt need to be said, because everything about the trailer is wrapped up in it, but THE MUSIC IS SO PERFECT. HOLY SHIT.

For anyone who doesn't know. It Bobby Mcferrin's "Dont Worry Be Happy" and Kanye West's "Jesus Walks." This trailer is a perfect example of how music and film can work together so well I get goosebumps everytime I watch the damn thing!

The new trailer...well as one gentlemen so aptly puts it in the original, "Welcome to The Suck."
First of all, bad choice on the music. I love Bolan just as much as the next guy, but this is not an appropriate trailer for "Bang a Gong."

Secondly, a large part of this trailer has been devoted to showing the world that Peter Sarrggessaard is is this movie. Who the fuck is this guy?! Huh? Weird, i dont see any hands out there. That's because no one has ever heard of him.

The second half of The Suck is almost the same, but just different enough to be inferior. Vastly inferior.

Dogtag name plates? Stupid.

No gas mask football? Poor.

Back of the head instead of profile?...Jesus.

A perfect example of the old adage about fixing those things not broke.

Domino

Let me start off by saying that I find a lot to like in Tony Scott's movies where a lot of people either hate him or just don't care much. I was reading the Ain't it Cool News talkbacks the other day (a dangerous passtime) and I came across someone who said something that got me thinking.

Basically what they said was that Tony Scott sets the tone for a decade by making a pitch-perfect blockbuster (or two) for those years. If you look at his record it certainly isn't bad.

1980s
Top Gun
Beverly Hills Cop II

1990s
Crimson Tide
Enemy of the State

2000s (so far)
Spy Game
Man on Fire
Domino

There are others that I've left off, but look at that list and tell me if those movies don't really define the blocbusters of their era. I think they do, and I love blockbusters.

About the trailer: I love this trailer - it reminds me of the BMW "Beat the Devil" short, which was basically a ten minute trailer for a movie that was never made. The thing I like best about Tony Scott's (current) aesthetic is the love of small incidental images that (to me) are stronger than anything conventional. Just in this trailer:

The freeze frame for "based on a true story". The tight zoom on Domino's eyes along with a snare drum and a cut out in background sound. The domino necklace and cuffs, all green and yellowed out. Spinning the necklace in slow shutter speed bleached out color. The three-shot montage introducing Mickey Rourke. The shots and music while introducing "Choco". Et cetera for the whole trailer, and I won't waste your time except for of Kierra firing two MP5s to her open mouth. Genius.

The voice over is pitch-perfect. Christopher Walken did great stuff in Man on Fire, and I expect he will do it again. The cast is good, the look is flawless, and if I could, I would reserve a ticket.

I am entirely taken by this trailer. It was either cut by Tony Scott's personal editor or Tony Scott's personal while he was sleeping, but it works, it's sharp, it's beautiful, and I can't wait to see the movie.

Trailer (Apple)

Yours, Mine and Ours and Cheaper By the Dozen 2

I am not one to shy away from the so-called "family fare." In fact, I would say that I see more films that your 8 year old sister would enjoy than films that your 22 year old Shin's listenin'-side bangs wearin'-Garden State lovin'-hipster doofus of a brother would like. But this? This is terrible.

There are many things wrong with this picture. Sound of Music meets Brady Bunch meets Cheaper by the Dozen ends up being the least original idea to come down the pike in a long time. Perhaps it's based on some old Cary Grant film, or beloved children's novel. Who gives a shit. The kid actors are lame, Rene Russo looks like a mummy, and no matter how many things you drop on him DENNIS QUAID IS NOT FUNNY. And because I really feel it isn't said enough: NEITHER IS RANDY QUAID.

This trailer makes me feel bad. I guess on this blog we kind of narrow our scope, so I wont speculate on how close the director was to tears on the 13 th take of Quaid getting nailed by a bucket of paint. Or Denny's abysmal attitude towards children that you know left him painfully uncomfortable in those all too frequent "down moments." I will instead think about the poor trailer editor who, as if in apology, turns to me and says in a voice, strong, but on the verge of breaking: "I work with what they give me."


Since it came up earlier, I thought I would throw in my two cents about the Cheaper by the Dozen 2 trailer.

I will admit, I enjoyed the first one. It was sappy and obvious but it made my sister and I laugh when we saw it together. And as much as it both pains and shames me to say it, Ashton Kutcher was quite funny in it.

The trailer for the sequel is bad. I worry about Steve Martin sometimes. He was so good for so long. He took the leap and played drama in the stellar The Spanish Prisoner. Since then, it has been a slippery slope downhill. And CBTD2 is not a step in the right direction.

Lastly, in keeping with the trend of once cute girls looking hideous, get a load of Ms. Hillary Duff. Jesus. She looks like she's forty years old. And boring.