All The King's Men

Watch the trailer here.

From one of the greatest, most compelling books in the history of American literature comes a remake of an old movie (1949) that promises to anally, royally entertain audiences. Even Chinese guys sitting in the third row with their translators will have to shut the fuck up – All The King’s Men is going to be awesome. The story involves a journalist, played by Jude Law, assigned to write the story of an up-and-coming politician, Sean Penn. Law becomes obsessed with the southern leader for his honesty and soon becomes one of his “researchers.” Basically, he finds dirt on anyone that threatens Sean Penn’s political ascent. The story raises many pertinent questions about the nature of duty – how far will you go to do a job well? Can you trust your boss; can you trust your heroes? Can you really trust your friends? Where do these worlds intersect and collide? Why is soup so cheap?

In a lot of ways the trailer is like a political advertisement – hyperbolic language, insanely epic music and familiar images that will tie the audience to the film – “Oh there’s that fat guy from 'The Sopranos'!” “Oh, there’s that guy that should be banging Sienna Miller, but, alas, he’s a fucking idiot!” Some of the shots in the trailer are simply breathtaking. As Penn speaks to the faceless crowd, the mill town in the background lets off lines of smoke into the overcast sky. And, for Penn: like all power earned, it soon begets the desire for power stolen. Penn begins as an honest man seeking to change the world, but once he gains that power he becomes everything he once despised. And the trailer displays this wonderfully – he looks evil. Seldom do films chance to show a 3-dimensional character.

My only major criticism of the trailer is the line of awards for the cast. Okay, we get it - your casting agent did a fucking fantastic job. But I don't care that Jude Law was nominated for Cold Mountain or The Talented Mr. Ripley, which I thought was so boring I wanted to stab my penis with a broken bottle, a lot. By recognition alone we know the cast is superb, don't rub it in. Trust that your cast is phenomenal - which it is - and then ask us to see the film. Also, pay attention to Travis Champagne in the roll as young Tom Stark - perhaps the worst actor's name in the history of time. "Hello, my name's Matt RootBeerTooth CapriSun. I'm auditioning for the roll of Willy Loman." This movie, however, is sure to be an Oscar favorite and bloody entertaining.