Hot Fuzz

I talk a lot about “perfect teasers” on this site. I believe in the past I classified the teasers for Jarhead, Princess, and a number of others as “perfect”. But hey, I am a fan of brevity. If you have an awesome three and a half minute trailer, than you also have an even more awesome sixty-second teaser. Which of course brings us to our topic of discussion: Hot Fuzz.

You get two teasers for this movie! One is Awesome the other is Even more Awesome! Of course, the Even more Awesome one depends on your having seen Shaun of the Dead to fully appreciate the joke. But if you haven’t seen Shaun of the Dead, why the hell are you sitting around reading this?! Go watch it! Sean of the Dead was my number two movie of 2004! IT IS GREAT!! I’m not kidding. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. NOW.

If you have seen it, then you can stop watching the trailer at the point where it says: “From The Team That Brought You Shaun of the Dead”. You already know what’s coming next: PURE AWESOMENESS.

You know what? Go ahead and watch ‘em anyway. You can never have too much awesome in your life.

Reading back on this, I realize that I used the word ‘awesome’ quite a few times. That was not planned. Awesome.

Harsh Times

Watch the trailer here.

What? Did that just happen? I mean, I didn't really even like Training Day and now we have Training Day 2 starring Batman with his little Mexican ally - oh, and Eva "I literally look like shit" Longoria. What is Christian Bale thinking? He was just in the fantastic The Prestige and he poops on his resume with this tripe.

Two crooked cops - one renowned for his harsh, crazy ways and the other is a young recruit with a lot of potential. I just described Training Day, but nay, it's this new bullshit. I don't really know why I'm so mad. Also, what kind of proper trailer has the voice over say - verbatim - what the type on the screen spells out. It's redundant, and it makes it feel like a 10-year-old made the trailer. The only redeeming part is when Bale says, "Whip-Crack! I turned that Paco into a fountain of blood!" I mean, Christain Bale turning anyone into a fountain of anything, I'm down. Turn Rip Torn into a fountain of chocolate, I will definitely give you my $10.75, you studmuffin.

So, Trailer Reviews is back and what a shite movie to bring it back.

300

Watch the trailer here.

It sorta goes without saying that I'm psyched for this movie. If you're viewing The Departed like everybody else in the United States this weekend, you'll get to witness this fantastic trailer.

Why is it so good?

1. Zach Snyder, the director, also did 2004's Dawn of the Dead. While I wasn't a huge fan of that movie - although it's fun, don't get me wrong - this trailer has a certain horror, a certain darkness that makes the true story of the 300 all the more unbelievable. It's as if this superhuman historical tale - The Battle of Thermopylae - is somehow haunted. Very cool. You also know that a film poster written in blood (which this one is) is gonna blow your asshole to the moon! Yeah, I said it.

2. The shots in the first few seconds of the trailer are fantastic, awe-inspiring. As hundreds of soldiers are pushed off of a cliff to their deaths, the sun sets in the background. It may seem like overkill, but man, that's some fucking awesome overkill.

3. The arrows shot - a famous historical tale of thousands of arrows blotting out the light of the sun - and they did it! Also, the man who plays King Leonidas, Gerard Butler, is fresh off of playing a list of rolls that season him for the insane, blood-thirsty king: Beowulf (2005), The Phantom of the Opera (2004, greatest movie ever? Yup.), and my favorite, Terry Sheridan in Tomb Raider (2003).

4. An entire country binds together, a battle which some say gave birth to the first democracy. A democracy forged in blood, weird goblinish creatures, and hairy backed apes with swords and hell-hath-no fury attitudes. The trailer is like a rock video for a band I want to fuck, nay, I want to fuck me, hard.

Surf's Up

Wait a second. A Sony Pictures Animation CG movie about penguins that surf has absolutely no right to have this good of a trailer. Who just got hired at Sony who understands what a good CG animated movie (and trailer) is? Let's do the list:

• The voice actors are odball picks, but beyond that, the actor's names are not splashed across the screen when the characters are introduced. Does an immense amount to make the characters real.
• In a nod to The Incredibles' incredible (ha) trailer, it starts off with some old timey video, a brilliantly acted interview, and some fantastically animated, and perfectly done footage.
• The music is absolutely wonderful, and apparently part of the score for the movie. Nods to Phillip Glass.
• Lastly, it has the intangible that a good trailer has - the goosebumps moment. Any great trailer has a moment where the music, editing, and visuals come together and give me goosebumps. When Big Z shoots out of that wave, the camera zooms in on him, struggling to keep him in the frame, and he bows to the barrel of the wave, it gets me every time. Well done, chaps. Well done.

That said, I worry - as soon as that pop-rock comes in, and the surfing gets all ridiculous, the humor and timing are suddenly poor, and the sidekick characters seem totally stupid. I feel like the movie will probably be a lot more of that bad, and not much of the good. This feels like the work of an inspired trailer-maker, and not a trailer for an incredible movie.

p.s. This is amazing:

Watch the trailer. (Apple)