The Illusionist

Watch the trailer here.

Abysmal. Like I just shit myself and I don't even care because I am so disappointed with this trailer. This is an absolutely ridiculous trailer given the history of this story’s story.

The short story, written by Steven Millhauser, a friend and former creative writing professor of mine, is brilliant in every sense - a crafted metaphor for any daring artist. What happens when our talents begin to scare others? What occurs when our ability to mesmerize is misunderstood? Millhauser brilliantly details this challenge in 20 pages, but this trailer seems to indicate that director Neil Burger lost his way somewhere. Unfamiliar with the name Neil Burger? That's because he's an idiot.

The trailer looks like a high school-comedy group skit, not a movie. Poor accents, no substance and a fat kid (Giamatti) who seems the most entertaining. And Jessica Biel worthy of Eisenheim? She looks like she is: a typical large-lipped American girl – give me a break. At least cast Eva Green, Selma Hayek (that wouldn’t be hard given Mr. Norton bonks her), or Ashley Olsen – someone who can play the mysterious, sexual temptress – not some fucking Midwestern cheerleader.

The greatest thing that can happen in this movie would be if Eisenheim made Biel quit acting – or have Freddie Prinze fall from the sky and impale himself on her. The entire trailer feels campy – the only redeeming thing besides Giamatti talking with a very bogus Austrian accent is when Norton makes the apparition appear and then it shows Norton walking down the street doing his best Deniro Taxi Driver impression. It’s like, finally, “I’m a fucking magician you fucks, bring it on Pig Vomit.” I’m looking forward to the visuals of the film – the soft lights and Viennese sets – but the screen writing already feels forced and stilted. They should have let Millhauser finish his work and write his own script. The guy is a literary rock star.

It’s going to suck. Sad for Millhauser, but he will be comforted by his large, phallic Pulitzer Prize and his imagination – something that’s utterly lacking West of the california state line – you heard me, Dave Eggers and Pauley Shore.