One Sentence Fridays!

Pan's Labyrinth
An R-rated fantasy tale, centering around World War 2 intrigue, a pretty girl, and really cool special effects - eyeball hands are merely a bonus!

The Messengers
We already knew kids were creepy, but here come the Pang brothers to show us that not only are kids creepy, you should never let a kid watch you make the bed.

Meet the Robinsons (trailer 5 - five?!)
The saddest Tyrannosaurus Rex ever captured on film.

Deja Vu (teaser)
A dynamite trailer comes of removing all of the audio and story from your abominable prior attempt; doesn't bode well for your film, Tony!

Hot Fuzz

I talk a lot about “perfect teasers” on this site. I believe in the past I classified the teasers for Jarhead, Princess, and a number of others as “perfect”. But hey, I am a fan of brevity. If you have an awesome three and a half minute trailer, than you also have an even more awesome sixty-second teaser. Which of course brings us to our topic of discussion: Hot Fuzz.

You get two teasers for this movie! One is Awesome the other is Even more Awesome! Of course, the Even more Awesome one depends on your having seen Shaun of the Dead to fully appreciate the joke. But if you haven’t seen Shaun of the Dead, why the hell are you sitting around reading this?! Go watch it! Sean of the Dead was my number two movie of 2004! IT IS GREAT!! I’m not kidding. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. NOW.

If you have seen it, then you can stop watching the trailer at the point where it says: “From The Team That Brought You Shaun of the Dead”. You already know what’s coming next: PURE AWESOMENESS.

You know what? Go ahead and watch ‘em anyway. You can never have too much awesome in your life.

Reading back on this, I realize that I used the word ‘awesome’ quite a few times. That was not planned. Awesome.

Harsh Times

Watch the trailer here.

What? Did that just happen? I mean, I didn't really even like Training Day and now we have Training Day 2 starring Batman with his little Mexican ally - oh, and Eva "I literally look like shit" Longoria. What is Christian Bale thinking? He was just in the fantastic The Prestige and he poops on his resume with this tripe.

Two crooked cops - one renowned for his harsh, crazy ways and the other is a young recruit with a lot of potential. I just described Training Day, but nay, it's this new bullshit. I don't really know why I'm so mad. Also, what kind of proper trailer has the voice over say - verbatim - what the type on the screen spells out. It's redundant, and it makes it feel like a 10-year-old made the trailer. The only redeeming part is when Bale says, "Whip-Crack! I turned that Paco into a fountain of blood!" I mean, Christain Bale turning anyone into a fountain of anything, I'm down. Turn Rip Torn into a fountain of chocolate, I will definitely give you my $10.75, you studmuffin.

So, Trailer Reviews is back and what a shite movie to bring it back.

300

Watch the trailer here.

It sorta goes without saying that I'm psyched for this movie. If you're viewing The Departed like everybody else in the United States this weekend, you'll get to witness this fantastic trailer.

Why is it so good?

1. Zach Snyder, the director, also did 2004's Dawn of the Dead. While I wasn't a huge fan of that movie - although it's fun, don't get me wrong - this trailer has a certain horror, a certain darkness that makes the true story of the 300 all the more unbelievable. It's as if this superhuman historical tale - The Battle of Thermopylae - is somehow haunted. Very cool. You also know that a film poster written in blood (which this one is) is gonna blow your asshole to the moon! Yeah, I said it.

2. The shots in the first few seconds of the trailer are fantastic, awe-inspiring. As hundreds of soldiers are pushed off of a cliff to their deaths, the sun sets in the background. It may seem like overkill, but man, that's some fucking awesome overkill.

3. The arrows shot - a famous historical tale of thousands of arrows blotting out the light of the sun - and they did it! Also, the man who plays King Leonidas, Gerard Butler, is fresh off of playing a list of rolls that season him for the insane, blood-thirsty king: Beowulf (2005), The Phantom of the Opera (2004, greatest movie ever? Yup.), and my favorite, Terry Sheridan in Tomb Raider (2003).

4. An entire country binds together, a battle which some say gave birth to the first democracy. A democracy forged in blood, weird goblinish creatures, and hairy backed apes with swords and hell-hath-no fury attitudes. The trailer is like a rock video for a band I want to fuck, nay, I want to fuck me, hard.

Surf's Up

Wait a second. A Sony Pictures Animation CG movie about penguins that surf has absolutely no right to have this good of a trailer. Who just got hired at Sony who understands what a good CG animated movie (and trailer) is? Let's do the list:

• The voice actors are odball picks, but beyond that, the actor's names are not splashed across the screen when the characters are introduced. Does an immense amount to make the characters real.
• In a nod to The Incredibles' incredible (ha) trailer, it starts off with some old timey video, a brilliantly acted interview, and some fantastically animated, and perfectly done footage.
• The music is absolutely wonderful, and apparently part of the score for the movie. Nods to Phillip Glass.
• Lastly, it has the intangible that a good trailer has - the goosebumps moment. Any great trailer has a moment where the music, editing, and visuals come together and give me goosebumps. When Big Z shoots out of that wave, the camera zooms in on him, struggling to keep him in the frame, and he bows to the barrel of the wave, it gets me every time. Well done, chaps. Well done.

That said, I worry - as soon as that pop-rock comes in, and the surfing gets all ridiculous, the humor and timing are suddenly poor, and the sidekick characters seem totally stupid. I feel like the movie will probably be a lot more of that bad, and not much of the good. This feels like the work of an inspired trailer-maker, and not a trailer for an incredible movie.

p.s. This is amazing:

Watch the trailer. (Apple)

Eragon

There was a rumor that the film version of Eragon was going to be called Generic Fantasy Movie, but they thought it gave too much away.

But I kid.

I think its great that they were able to take all the unused footage from Dragonheart and Lord of the Rings, splice in Jeremy Irons’ performance from Kingdom of Heaven and make a movie out of it. But since Chris Paolini wrote the book with Tolkien and Le Guin’s leftovers and added a dash of Star Wars, they can get away with it.

The Bridge

Watch the trailer here.

There is something so dark, so eerie, about the trailer for The Bridge, which I guess is what it's going for. There is also something inherently wrong when you profit off the deaths and misery of other people - in this case 24 people who committed suicide in 2004 from jumping from the bridge. In a way it's like the people who profit off of 9/11 footage or the monkey I have taped to my wall - we make money from seeing what we think we'll never do. Suicide, bitches, a four second fall - kablamo. The Golden Gate Bridge is the single worst location for suicides in all the world. So many go there to die. So, someone decided to make a movie about it. Since the bridge's creation in 1937, over 1000 people have lept into the choppy waters and only one has survived - Sean Connery!!! Just kidding, no one can live from a jump like that. Actually, check out this tid bit I found when reading up on the bridge:

"We've talked to people who have jumped and survived the fall," said John Vidaurri of San Francisco Suicide Prevention. "And most of them have said once they leave the platform of the bridge, they've regretted jumping off." I mean, c'mon.

At first the trailer feels like a documentary about the building of the bridge, which actually I would be down to watch on TV. Then the piano-infused music gets a little bit "Fuck You too!" and it's all down hill and terribly depressing. Then the guy with the hoodie legs over and you realize exactly what this is about - pure, uncut horror. I am mesmerized that they can actually capture real people, and I'm sure much of it is reenactments, but still....this is pretty fucked up. I really want to see this, but I will only see it if I'm drunk, stoned and alone and in San Francisco, on the bridge. Peace.

All The King's Men

Watch the trailer here.

From one of the greatest, most compelling books in the history of American literature comes a remake of an old movie (1949) that promises to anally, royally entertain audiences. Even Chinese guys sitting in the third row with their translators will have to shut the fuck up – All The King’s Men is going to be awesome. The story involves a journalist, played by Jude Law, assigned to write the story of an up-and-coming politician, Sean Penn. Law becomes obsessed with the southern leader for his honesty and soon becomes one of his “researchers.” Basically, he finds dirt on anyone that threatens Sean Penn’s political ascent. The story raises many pertinent questions about the nature of duty – how far will you go to do a job well? Can you trust your boss; can you trust your heroes? Can you really trust your friends? Where do these worlds intersect and collide? Why is soup so cheap?

In a lot of ways the trailer is like a political advertisement – hyperbolic language, insanely epic music and familiar images that will tie the audience to the film – “Oh there’s that fat guy from 'The Sopranos'!” “Oh, there’s that guy that should be banging Sienna Miller, but, alas, he’s a fucking idiot!” Some of the shots in the trailer are simply breathtaking. As Penn speaks to the faceless crowd, the mill town in the background lets off lines of smoke into the overcast sky. And, for Penn: like all power earned, it soon begets the desire for power stolen. Penn begins as an honest man seeking to change the world, but once he gains that power he becomes everything he once despised. And the trailer displays this wonderfully – he looks evil. Seldom do films chance to show a 3-dimensional character.

My only major criticism of the trailer is the line of awards for the cast. Okay, we get it - your casting agent did a fucking fantastic job. But I don't care that Jude Law was nominated for Cold Mountain or The Talented Mr. Ripley, which I thought was so boring I wanted to stab my penis with a broken bottle, a lot. By recognition alone we know the cast is superb, don't rub it in. Trust that your cast is phenomenal - which it is - and then ask us to see the film. Also, pay attention to Travis Champagne in the roll as young Tom Stark - perhaps the worst actor's name in the history of time. "Hello, my name's Matt RootBeerTooth CapriSun. I'm auditioning for the roll of Willy Loman." This movie, however, is sure to be an Oscar favorite and bloody entertaining.

Man Of The Year

Well, I didn't expect this. I am no fan of Robin Williams, he has been pretty much worthless in recent years - basically ever since Patch Adams. That was the beginning of the end. He was awesome as the Genie in Aladdin, pretty good in Mrs. Doubtfire, but from there I feel like the movies just got sentimental and crappy, and I stopped wanting to see them. His new edgy stuff hasn't made me any less bored with him, and I had basically written him off until the Man of the Year trailer rolled around.

And then holy crap! Robin Williams in a role that seems to not be all about him being a douche bag. This movie, firmly in the style of Wag the Dog (another title with two proper nouns divided by some uncapitalizables!) and looking to be just as good. Watching Robin Williams play (essentially) John Stewart in this trailer, I forgot about what a ponce he has been, and I started getting excited for Man of the Year. It looks like a great concept, decent cast, good director, and possibly good script.

I do kind of wish they had skipped showing that he wins the election, only because it would have made the trailer even more of a tease, and the post-winning stuff is not particularly rich. Either way, I welcome the return of Robin Williams, and I am hoping for the Bush-era Wag the Dog.

Trailer (apple.com)

Night at the Museum

There are some bad feelings between me and Ben Stiller. I think that most of America can agree with me. He has turned out quite a string of obnoxious, embarrassing, and , at times, painful to watch comedies starting with Meet the Parents. Meet the Parents, is among my least favorite films ever made. And for Stiller to have the sheer audacity to follow up with Meet the Fockers! Well, have no trouble telling you that I wrote Ben off as a lost cause with little trouble

But then along comes Night at the Museum. I am a straight up sucker for stories where something not alive comes alive. I loved Jumanji, (book and film) and I enjoyed the Indian in the Cupboard, (the book and the film, even with the latter’s facially deformed lead). Night at the Museum is every little kid’s fantasy writ large, writ EPIC. This trailer is the first jewel to be released in anticipation of that Holiday movie season. It has a great build in pacing, plenty of jokes, and Dick Van-fucking-Dyke!!

So, Ben. Maybe I can give you one more shot to redeem yourself. As long as I don’t have to see your painfully contorted testicles again, I think we will be fine.

Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny

Watch the trailer here.

There is something so endearing about Jack Black and Kyle Gass, and their mega-giant-tastic band, Tenacious D. They are nerdy guys, especially Black, and they make casual dorkiness mixed with bizarre behavior so fucking cool. Listen to Black’s voice when the trailer begins, his hyperbolic language and his holier than thou attitude. In many ways it’s similar to Colbert, only these guys are parodying themselves more than anything else. They recognize how much they’re dorky, yet the more they riff on themselves, the more we love them. This has been a much-anticipated movie and I can’t wait.

It seems like many of the trailer’s jokes are similar to the Tenacious D from “Mr. Show.” What makes the trailer so good – besides the instant recognition of their awesomeness – is that it feels thrown together, especially with the voice over: “Prepare yourselves for the motion picture experience of the century…from New Line Cinema comes the most important film in this history of films.” Almost like, “Hey, let’s make a movie? Yeah, let’s make a movie – pass the spliff.”

Like School of Rock, Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny seems like a similar production – just let Jack Black do whatever the fuck he wants for two hours and we’ll have a box office smash hit. Indeed, it’s not just gonna be fantastic – it’s gonna be fucktastic.

Rocky Balboa

Watch the trailer here.

Plot: ESPN shows a video game simulation of Rocky Balboa - arguably the worst boxer in movie history - against a real boxer named Mason "The Line" Dixon, and Rocky wins. I've always wondered how this Rocky movie series can be popular. Every time he gets raped in the ring and somehow comes back at the end, his body resembling black-and-blue clay, and yet he wins. What is more realistic would be a movie where Rocky's brain damage takes over and he talks to his dog about modern technology and knowing Mr. T for 3 days while eating plaster.

I can just imagine Stallone smoking a giant cigar at Planet Hollywood in Lincoln, Nebraska: "Hmmm....maybe, at 89-years-old, I should fight against a kid who will hit me so hard my grandchildren vomit....sounds like another 100-million-dollar sequel." If you've ever thought Hollywood fucks up your brain, this is the most glaring example. Stay tuned for Indiana Jones: The Ravages of Time, 2008. Fitting title. This film should be called Rocky Balboa: Give me a fucking break.

Beerfest

Watch the trailer here.

Oh holy God, Broken Lizard is back with a better film than that steaming piece of shit served up on a plate of ass hair known as Club Dread. Super Troopers was a fantastic film for what it was: a frat boy, quotable comedy with nonsense as it's main drive and ridiculousness following close behind (see: Zoolander, Talladega Nights and Anchorman). Jay Chandrasekhar, the chief writer of the Broken Lizard films (and comedy whilst at Colgate College) and many great "Arrested Development" episodes has stuck to what his audience craves - drugs, booze and stupid, stupid actions. Club Dread was a bomb and made me laugh about as much as getting hit in the face with a rusty axe.

The trailer succeeds in many ways. It leaves the audience asking "What the fuck was that?" which is essential for a random comedy like Beerfest. It also has moments that people will talk about even after seeing whatever movie they're at - when Chandrasekhar suavely talks to the woman with a "killer line," and actually just slurs out some typical drunken bullshit. Plus, we've all been there. How many times have you been in a bar talking to a cute girl and realized you just vomited on her and called her friend a "royal fat anus."

Eric Christian Olsen and Will Forte, along with the Broken Lizard team, promise to be great. The trailer is moronic, and I am thoroughly pumped for the film. Well done, boys, well done. In the spirit of the film, I will quote the great philosopher Montaigne from his chapter "On Drunkenness": "The worst condition of humans is when they lose knowledge and control of themselves." Hell yes, can't wait for two hours of mankind's worst condition.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I was talking to Spiffae about this trailer and he said “I felt like I was watching a trailer for a video game.” I agree. But I don’t care.

Sure, there is a certain lack of characterization, pathos, conflict, or really anything that would indicate any sort of narrative behind the actions of the Ninja Turtles, but come on! They are jumping around on rooftops! They are wielding ninja weapons like they are things that could really hurt you! They look really cool!

The first TMNT film was the only good one. And apparently they are continuing the storyline of the original film in some way, as the defeat Shredder is mentioned in the official description. But they need to carry over more than just the story to make this one another winner. They need to carry over the incredibly positive male role models as well.

People always chuckle when I say this, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Motion Picture contains the best portrays of male characters ever seen in a kids movie. The Turtles hug each other. They fight, but they always apologise after. They cry when they are sad. And most important, they tell each other they love each other. How many other tweenager movies can you think of where the male leads share a tearful embrace with his brother and tells him he loves him. This happens in the first TMNT movie!! Watch it if you don’t believe me!

Anyway, I doubt that heavy stuff will make it into this new version. So just enjoy the trailer and relive a little bit of your childhood.

Employee of the Month

Watch the trailer here.

Three stoned monkeys standing around a beer pong table thought of this one - you might be familiar with their work. They did Dodgeball, Accepted, Boys Don't Cry (sober) and The Ringer.

Formula: Introduce likeable familiar comedian in human and abnormal setting for said comedian, in this case a Costco. Introduce the “Pussy Prize,” usually with large, fake “honkers,” pearly white teeth and an embarrassing lack of acting talent – Jessica “Flavor of the Week (it’s been a cosmically long week)” Simpson. Then add a sprinkle of random, on the way down from “celebrity” stars: Andy Dick,and that guy who drank Harry’s piss in Dumb & Dumber. And, finally, add a “Funny Foe,” in this case the household name – Dax Shephard – you might remember him from “Punk’d” and more “Punk’d” and his sidekick, the Mexican politician from extremely overrated Napoleon Dynamite, Pedro. American wholesale has never looked so goddamn hilarious.

Dane Cook running into the forklift and getting hit in the nuts by a ball – gold, where did you creative monkey retards think of that? Buster Keaton thought about coming back to life, but he saw the last ten years of movies like this. I’m being silly, Keaton can’t think or process thought – he’s fucking dead.

The thing that redeems this trailer - and my intentions of seeing the film – is pretty simple. The line, “She slides into the sack like a singed koala looking for an all-night burn center.” Holy guacamole. Reminds me of the very un-comic time I saw a singed philharmonic orchestra at an all-night burn center, something about a molotov cocktail and an angry second violinist.

I love that Dane Cook has those lawsuit-inducing roller shoes and he’s certainly a pretty funny dude, but this trailer and the idea of this movie is retarded. So retarded, it seems, that it will surely be quoted in frat houses and by fuckheads like me for the next three years to a lifetime. Well done, Hollywood, your formula once again spells millions in proceeds. I hate our culture and yet I happily suck on the teat of it daily – drink up morons, it tastes so, so good.

Babel

A day late... apologies.

So what can I say? This is a phenomenal trailer for a movie that will most likely be excellent, but seems to play right into my mindset right now. Having just spent the year in Japan, a movie about people struggling to communicate hits me right where I enjoy being hit. Throw in an absolutely dynamite cast, an awesome director (Forget 21 Grams and Amorres Perros, he directed Powder Keg in The Hire!), and I think this is going to be a phenomenal movie...for me. Let's score this out.

There are a number of good points here worth mentioning. First is that Brad Pitt is acting in a serious role. This doesn't seem so amazing until you look at a list of his recent movies. Oceans 11 and 12, Troy, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Friends, The Mexican, Spy Game, Snatch, and Fight Club. Before that it was some drivel, Meet Joe Black, and Se7en. Now I'm not saying these movies are bad, there are a lot of fun movies in there, but other than Se7en and to a lesser extent Fight Club, it looks a lot like the list of someone who chooses his movies based on what silly costumes, cool cars, or big guns he gets to play with if he signs on. They are all movies that I imagine would be really fun to work on, but there isn't a lot of meat there, nothing I would call a great film. Lot's of good movies, no great films. Despite all of this I find Brad Pitt compelling in all his movies, intensely charismatic, and capable of a degree of intensity that is not often matched. For those reasons, I think he will do a phenomenal job in this movie.

1 point for Babel for taking Brad seriously.

Next up is the fact that one of the stories takes place in Japan. I am in the final days of my love affair with Japan, and when I see these beautiful shots of Tokyo and I have been to these places, I can't help but want to see the movie. The shot of the two girls in their high school uniforms parting ways is just perfect, and captures something truly Japanese. In fact, that's what I like about all the Japan shots - each one is perfect, a moment's observation by someone who knows and loves the place.

1 point for each ridiculously short skirt, so 2 points for Babel. Score: 3.

The final part of this that speaks to me directly is the last title that comes on before the credits: If you want to be understood...listen. I feel like my blogs are spilling into each other, but that is something that I wish someone would tell all people who are thrown into situations that they don't understand. In this year I have listened more carefully than I may have ever before in my life, listening that tires you out at the end of the day and makes you learn ten new things every day - listening that with patience allows you to be understood. So that last bit - I wholeheartedly agree.

2 points to Babel for saying the truest thing I can think of. Score 5

Other things that deserve scores.

1 point for each beautiful location: Morocco, Mexico/the border, Japan. 3 Points. Score 8.

1 point for excellent typography and design, especially the title card. Score 9.

That leaves us at a mind boggling nine points for the Babel trailer. That is an unprecedented score, quite possibly never to be matched again. Go watch this trailer and agree with me.

You can agree with me here.

John Tucker Must Die

Its almost funny how wrong things can go sometimes.

In 1975, the great experimental film-maker Alejandro Jorodowsky began pre-production on a film version of Frank Herbert’s Dune. Jorodowsky’s Dune was to be a 14-hour epic, starring Salvador Dali as the universe’s mad emperor, ruling from a toilet shaped throne on a solid gold planet. Duke Leto Atreides was a matador who had been castrated during ritual combat with a bull. Paul was to have been conceived miraculously, as the Duke’s blood inseminated his concubine. The Spice became a living blue sponge. H.R. Giger and Moebius were in charge of set and costume design. Pink Floyd was to compose a full original soundtrack. In the end of course, it was never made. There was never even a script. The producers found out Jorodowsky had spent almost two million dollars without shooting even a single frame of film. They pulled the plug.

The film rights bounced around for a couple years, until they eventually ended up with Dino De Laurentis. He in turn entrusted it to a young man who had released two films at that point. One was a nightmarish labor of love and the other a period drama which cemented him as a Hollywood director.

So David Lynch directed Dune.

And it was bad.

Like, really, really bad.

But it gets worse.

David Lynch gave up directing Return of the Jedi to direct Dune.

Sometimes, I like to pretend that I live in a world where Alejandro Jorodowsky’s Dune and David Lynch’s Return of the Jedi exist. It is not necessarily a world that makes much sense. It is a world that many would find strange and frightening. But it has to be a better world than one where this movie exists.

Thanks for listening.

Have a good night.

The Illusionist

Watch the trailer here.

Abysmal. Like I just shit myself and I don't even care because I am so disappointed with this trailer. This is an absolutely ridiculous trailer given the history of this story’s story.

The short story, written by Steven Millhauser, a friend and former creative writing professor of mine, is brilliant in every sense - a crafted metaphor for any daring artist. What happens when our talents begin to scare others? What occurs when our ability to mesmerize is misunderstood? Millhauser brilliantly details this challenge in 20 pages, but this trailer seems to indicate that director Neil Burger lost his way somewhere. Unfamiliar with the name Neil Burger? That's because he's an idiot.

The trailer looks like a high school-comedy group skit, not a movie. Poor accents, no substance and a fat kid (Giamatti) who seems the most entertaining. And Jessica Biel worthy of Eisenheim? She looks like she is: a typical large-lipped American girl – give me a break. At least cast Eva Green, Selma Hayek (that wouldn’t be hard given Mr. Norton bonks her), or Ashley Olsen – someone who can play the mysterious, sexual temptress – not some fucking Midwestern cheerleader.

The greatest thing that can happen in this movie would be if Eisenheim made Biel quit acting – or have Freddie Prinze fall from the sky and impale himself on her. The entire trailer feels campy – the only redeeming thing besides Giamatti talking with a very bogus Austrian accent is when Norton makes the apparition appear and then it shows Norton walking down the street doing his best Deniro Taxi Driver impression. It’s like, finally, “I’m a fucking magician you fucks, bring it on Pig Vomit.” I’m looking forward to the visuals of the film – the soft lights and Viennese sets – but the screen writing already feels forced and stilted. They should have let Millhauser finish his work and write his own script. The guy is a literary rock star.

It’s going to suck. Sad for Millhauser, but he will be comforted by his large, phallic Pulitzer Prize and his imagination – something that’s utterly lacking West of the california state line – you heard me, Dave Eggers and Pauley Shore.

Children of Men

Being a Friday writer, I often get to write about the choice Friday trailer releases. Today is one of those days, and Children of Men is the trailer.

First of all, I had no idea what this movie was about, who was in it, who was directing - I didn't know anything until I read the "Drama, Action, Adventure" and starring Clive Owen. I was immediately interested, but had no idea what it was about. Rather than reiterate the trailer's voice over, I'll just encourage you to go watch this excellent trailer.

Now to talk about it. I like the trailer. No, I love the trailer. The art direction is excellent. The pacing is really good, even the typography on the text is fantastic. But as this is a good trailer, mostly it just makes me excited for the movie it is advertising. There are elements in this trailer of two movies that I really liked, but had some problems with: War of the Worlds, and 28 Days Later.

Without getting into extensive reviews, I loved the beginning of War of the Worlds, as society fell apart. The masses of people trying to escape something they don't understand, the complete breakdown of society, the brutal human nature showing itself alternately in ferocious mobs and moments of utter despair. I loved when the military mobilized against the aliens, the juxtaposition of convoys driving through small roads in New England, ignoring citizens and treating home soil as a battlefield. I wanted more of the mobs, more of the highways littered with crashed cars, people turned to animals over a gun, or a car. I was significantly less interested when they started sneaking around the tripods and using some yankee ingenuity to fight back. I was bored and annoyed when there was an "everything is ok, no one even go hurt" happy ending.

28 Days later was good, but it skipped the part I was most interested in. The guy wakes up after society has collapsed, everything is destroyed and there are zombies everywhere, and that's all well and good, but really I wanted to see those 28 days. I wanted to see London collapse, I wanted to see why that bus was on its side, I wanted to see some people trying to live normally as the world destroyed itself outside. War of the Worlds did it too quickly, and 28 days later implied and talked about exactly what I wanted to see, but couldn't show it.

Then there's the Children of Men trailer - it is exactly what I wanted to see. Women have all become infertile, and it's been 18 years since a baby was born. Society is halfway through tearing itself apart. A brutal police state is supressing the growing mob who know there is nothing left to live for, and that humanity will be gone in fifty years. Yes, yes, yes. There are tanks in the street, buses and trains all have reinforced windows, security checkpoints are everywhere, but there are still coffee shops and the news is on the air, reporting the end of the world. Clive "awesome" Owen and Michael "even more awesome" Caine are in it, and neither has shaved in a while. The tanks and troops are on the streets, and bombs are going off. The sets are fantastic, the future world looks spectacularly well realized, and in short, this trailer is delicious.

When they set up the conflict, that Clive has to drive a woman across England, I did actually chuckle a bit, and clearly there is no way he will fail. Clive, after all, got his big start driving BMWs really fast and really well. Though he has since acted in dozens of good movies, he is forever the nameless "Driver" to me.

Drive, Clive, Drive.

Note: At the time of writing, the HD link on the page I linked at the beginning is broken. You can find the trailers in glorious HD here.

Dead Man's Shoes

I don’t have too much to say about this trailer aside from: enjoy.

The brits seem to have realized that what makes the best scary movies (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left, Zombi) really disturbing is making them so low budget that they are way, way too real.

It also helps to put someone onscreen who seems genuinely disturbed. Good job.