Blood and Chocolate

This is one of the worst trailers I have ever seen. It has ugly actors saying stupid things and terrible special effects. It is wretched. It is vile. It is so bad that I am at a loss for a simile. “It is as bad as…” that is as far as I can get. Which means that this is the worst thing in the history of history.

And of course, it is for a film about my favorite mythological creature.

What is it about werewolves that does it for me? Who knows? But I will tell you that in my younger and more impressionable years I devoured anything about werewolves. Books, movies, comics, any and all of it. I still love Fright Night and Silver Bullet. I mean jesus, I watched the entire series of She-Wolf Of London multiple times!! If that doesn’t mean anything to you, consider yourself spared from one of the dumbest television shows EVAR.

Now I am older and wiser but there is a childish part of me still hopes for a really well-done werewolf movie. This is not it. That is clear from the first 30 seconds of the trailer. But what really does it for me is the transformation.

(Small gear switch) For all of its flaws, An American Werewolf in London has one of the most amazing special effects sequences ever filmed. Watching the transformation undergone by David Naughton remains one of the most graphic, gut wrenching, and horrifying memories from my childhood. And it was done with prosthetic masks, animatronic limbs, and about nine million strands of fake hair. And it looks real. (Here, you can watch it on youtube)

Nowadays, we have multi-million dollar budgets and special effects that look better than most of the actors. We have the ability to do literally anything on screen, and what does Blood and Chocolate give us for a transformation? A bunch of bare-chested lacrosse players doing flips in the woods.

Seriously weak.