Eric Roberts and Mert's Favorites 2006

Shennanigans for 2006 commence...It’s obvious I love the trailer for 300. I have talked about it at length with the other two splendid writers of this blog; I’ve even misquoted it in my excitement to AD, and he looked at my crazy eyes and refused to contradict me knowing full well that I would rip his fucking arms off and beat his wife with them. Simply: it’s the ultimate trailer. It meets all my superficial requirements.

Visually stunning? Check.
Totally insane? Check. “Spartans, tonight, we dine in Hell!”
Deformed chicks making out? Yup. Have you seen Anne Hathaway in Havoc, sorta the same thing. Except she is made from God, these ladies, God's retarded cousin, Chet.

Most of all, it’s a young boy’s wet dream. As if all the bizarre worlds of your imagination could come to life in one trailer. None of it makes sense, the graphic novel is taken to new, ridiculous levels, but I want it. I want it all, like George Jetson doing Scooby Doo while The Fonze watches. Additionally, it embodies overdone drama – to an hilarious extent – and we should welcome it. In fact, I talk like that at work. “Matt, get me a new draft of that report.” “Sire, sire, if you want one report, you shall meet your demise!” And then I kick him in the chest, into an endless well, only to turn around and see Casey from IT dancing like some erotic, silk-ridden ghost. I have talked too much about this trailer, I just want to see the movie, naked, with my Saddam Hussein t-shirt draped around my balls.

The second trailer of the year – of 2006 – for me is Flannel Pajamas. It’s an arthouse picture, sure, (Grab your berets, cigarettes and theories of Bluto’s existentialist funk) but the ad is perfectly enticing. More perfect, however, is the lack of dialogue. It’s just the smooth, catchy Asobi Seksu song “Thursday” playing over the familiar scenes we all know, and many we all try to forget.



Add to that the star, for me, of Angels in America Justin Kirk, one of the most underrated and underused actors on the bloated, "look at me, I'm from Julliard" scene. The trailer is perfect for what it is: a hipster-fueled romantic dramedy with an awesome soundtrack. The only thing that drags this one down for me is that Kirk is clearly, without-a-doubt, a flaming homosexual. What I love about it is that it is an uncut view of a relationship, from Day 1 to moving in, to great apartments to total dumps to the fights and everything thereafter. You seldom see that – only a great director can depict snipets of a life together that truly captures it, I think Jeff Lipsky has done that.

My last trailer is surely not a suprise: The Fountain. One, it was a fantastic movie. Sure, Hugh Jackman floats in the lotus position in outer space, but haven't we all, in some way or another, been Hugh Jackman floating in outer space? I've written about this too much, it's just damn good and beautiful to witness. Enjoy the trailer, enjoy life - because someday, you too, might get hit by a meteor thrown by Zeus, like Weisz does in this film. Just kidding: horrific brain tumor. What I love about Aronofsky is that he typically (always) shows a male lead misunderstood by the world, struggling through hardship for a percieved "better" end. Isn't that what we all want, as we enter 2007, something better? Isn't that worth fighting for? Isn't that worth blogging for? Indeed. Indeed.

Also, 2006's worst trailers: Eragon. Lucky You, starring Eric "I rape my wife in crappy Munich" Bana. And Rocky Balboa. Add Rocky Balboa to the Live Free or Die Harder trailer. You guys own Planet Hollywood, end it there.

Personal Winners of 2006/2005: District B-13, Brick, The Fountain, Little Children and The Last Southpark Episode of the year (very offensive, very awful). Oh, and Band of Brothers, Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, Seth Rogen and Jason Segal and How I Met Your Mother. Also, Santa Clause "Trapped in the Claus-et."