Stick It

Good to see we're all back and writing.

I will start off with the movie that will probably change the face of film: Stick It. Bask in the Kick-Butt Trailer here. The film meets the Christophian criteria of a "perfect motion picture." 1. Does someone wake up in a bathtub of ice cubes, maybe missing a vital organ? Check. 2. Is it not your run-of-the-mill, "feed me my soma!" type of film? Check-a-roonie, it's way different. 3. A complete 180 from bad to good over the course of a soul-searching good time? Yup. 4. Hot dudes in Hollister and Abercrombie? Erm, heck yes. On April 21st, prepare to get stuck, hard, and probably in the ass.

The trailer starts out with an enticing, bad ass line: "Every day I break the law...OF GRAVITY!!!" As if it can't get better from there, we meet Haley Graham, a seventeen-year-old bad ass chica. She makes biking look like archery, murderous, maiming archery, people. Candy Bars! What kind of person rides a bike through a glass window? I guess people do that. Maybe it's a california thing. Or a moron thing. It almost looks like two of my favorite films: Airborne (1993) and Gleaming the Cube (1989).

I'm also wondering the logic of a girl who breaks the law not getting sent to prison, or juvenial hall, but back to gymnastics academy or whatever they call it - insecure skinny rich girl world? Yeah, that happens. Again though, it's "not called gym-nicetics, it's gymnastics!!!"

The only redeeming thing about this hilariously vapid trailer is the last shot of Jeff Bridges, playing an out-of-the-box role as famed Burt Vickerman, totally killing himself on the trampoline. I hear he does all his own stunts - nice role Jeff, seriously, you were in Lebowski, Arlington Road (one of my top 2000 films), and White Squall. I guess once I saw you were in Surf's Up, coming out next year, I should have known. Shame Jeff, shame. Nice Black Flag t-shirt, though. Want to create a bad ass image, put them in a Black Flag t-shirt - maybe Henry Rollins will make a cameo as the evil Russian gymnastics coach, Victor Blowhardovich. We can only pray.

This and Flight 93 are my two "must see films" in 2006.