Ask The Dust

Watch the abysmal trailer here.

I know what you're thinking: a pinch of Selma Hayek, a sprinkle of Colin Farrell, and a touch of the Academy Award winning writer of "Chinatown" and chemistry explosivo - wait, Hayek, Farrell and "Chinatown"? One of the greatest movies of all time and an Irish actor who actually said in a sex tape, as he was about to go down on a girl, "Ohhhh, this is my breakfast, lunch and dinner right here"????? Yeah, well, sometimes I forget that I live in Hell and people like Colin Farrell are running Hell and apparently eating there too.



The most positively arresting thing about the trailer is the scenery. It really does feel like a Depression Era story (looks a lot like "Chinatown," actually, but why no Roman Polanski? Why no Jack Nicholson?), but all the bigtime Hollywood actors seem so, so, so out of place and not up to the caliber of this type of story. Selma Hayek, who I thought was pretty stellar as Frida "Crazy Patterns" Kahlo, seems like something of a joke here. You can't have someone so beautiful play the over-looked, waitress girl who's down on her luck, even in a time when everyone hates Mexicans. Even Spiffae, a writer on this blog, still admits to hating Mexicans. A lot. But let's be honest - she's one of the best looking women in Hollywood. And Colin Farrell. Well, Colin Farrell is a fuckhead, but plenty of fuckheads are writers, so I can't really comment on him.



The trailer fizzles out to nothing. It starts with a joke - Colin Farrell as an intelligent writer and leads towards something maybe interesting actually happening. But there is no real explanation of the central conflict of the movie. If I were going to see it and needed $10 bucks from my mom, my only reason for seeing the movie would sound something like this, "I really want to see 'Ask The Dust.' There seems to be a sex scene in the ocean that could rival my wildest dreams. Of course, Mom, it could just fade out when you're about to see boobies, but hey, at least I got to have popcorn."
"What are boobies?" Mom asks.
"Nay nays, Mom."
"Oh, hooters."
"This," I reply, "is way awkward."

Just a quick note. We also would have accepted:
Frida "Unibrow" Kahlo
-AD