The Groomsmen

View The Groomsmen trailer here.

If premature ejaculation were a trailer, The Groomsmen’s trailer would be running out of the bedroom murmuring about drinking too much and wanting to go back to its apartment and watch ESPN or Geraldo or some shit. This trailer isn’t good. In fact, the trailer seems to be leaking The Big Chill. It's trying to have Jay Mohr with the humor of a Vince Vaughn and the stupidity of Will Farrell, but it’s Matthew Lilliard. Who wants to pay money for this shit? What is John Leguizamo thinking? Is this a movie actually DIRECTED by Ed Burns?

If one genre is a chick flick, this is most definitely a dick flick. Guys confronting change – really good looking guys, one of whom is with Brittany Murphy. Yeah, that happens. A bunch of guys rolling into the days of Viagra, Preparation H, and Martha Stewart who decide to play in a rock band one last time – I can just see myself at the movies, sitting next to my dad’s bowling team and wanting to vomit as Matthew Lilliard strums his career-ruined guitar. Maybe Pauley Shore will make a cameo and shit on the drums.



Cosmic suspension of disbelief: In the trailer, Lilliard calls his kids his “homeboys.” Jay Mohr plays a violent brother who gets into fights…Ed Burns knows how to golf (watch this scene close, Burns’ massive wad is totes sticking out, male camel toe….How do guys in their early 30s afford this lavish lifestyle? Boating, nice houses, golf, restaurants that are not Red Lobster, Britanny Murphy? Their existence is impossible; this movie is bullshit.

The last scene of the trailer – which is trying desperately to be funny – sums up the film for me. To illustrate my feelings: I just had my penis stepped on my Ed Burns. Hard. That’s right, Private Reiben stepped on my nads with his crappy movie with actors I once liked. You heard me, Spawn, you. heard. me.